If the Shoe Fits - - - Can You Wear It?

Recently, as I was browsing the postings, I noticed your comments about shoes. Boy, can I relate! Or should I say, “Girl” can I relate, because I don’t think boys care nearly as much about shoes as we girls do. But that’s ok, men, you can listen in and respond with your two bits worth if you want.

Why do we have to wear “sensible” shoes? Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-! Depriving a woman of cute shoes is like depriving a cowboy of his horse! That is one of the greatest emotional tragedies of a stroke. I know this sounds really kinda’ petty but it, “shoe” is an issue for most of us - - - right?

Having always been a shoe fanatic, I was crushed when I realized I had to choose between wearing cute strappy heels and fun sandals - - - or walking! Obviously, I needed to walk, but I also NEEDED my cute shoes. A physical therapist had told me that I could never wear anything but flat rubber-soled support shoes - - so, sadly, I had got rid of my collection of designer footwear.

Then, about two years ago, I was at a conference with my peers in the speaking business. Several of us were sitting around discussing stories we use in our speeches. I was telling them about my AFO brace (and how my kids love it because they can hear me coming). I stood up to show them what it looked like and, as I struggled to put my foot on the chair so I could pull my pant leg up to expose the brace, I suddenly felt self-conscious about my clunky brown support shoes. Then, while looking, down at my brace and my brown (bleaugh!) sensible (yuck!) shoes I caught sight of the shoes the woman sitting next to me was wearing. My co-speaker friend, Joy Baldridge, was wearing way cool trendy heels - - - and they were pink - - - one of my favorite colors!

Oh, if I could only wear those shoes! And then it happened – oh no, not that – you know how we stroke survivors have this darn emotional liability thing – to my utter embarrassment, I started crying! It was one of those moments you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole – brown clunky shoes, brace, and all. But it had an amazing positive effect on the group. Once they realized not only my issue about shoes, but how my stroke created my emotional liability – they began to open up and talk about things they had never talked about to anyone.

That evening a few them took me shopping and I bought the first pair of heels I had purchased in a decade – a pair of black Anne Klein heels. Who cared if I could only wear them sitting down – I could wear them, and no one was going to stop me. It was the first time in 9 years I had bought shoes like that, and it made me feel like a million bucks. At that moment I didn’t need to walk - - - I was flying.

Again, you men don’t understand this, but I know you girls do. Cute, hot, sexy, pretty shoes and I go way back. Check out the picture of me when I was 18 and the one taken a couple years ago – and the shoes! Once a shoe-aholic, always a shoe-aholic.

The pink shoes are not the Anne Klein’s? Very observant. These pink shoes were a special gift (Men, I KNOW you don’t relate to this, sorry!). A month later a box appeared on my doorstep……..Joy had sent me a pair of pink pumps identical to the ones she was wearing that night. I can’t yet wear them to walk in, but someday? Who knows!

In case you think I am alone - -- and a little kookie with my “thing” about shoes – here are comments from you (edited a wee bit to fit) as you posted them on the site.

“It makes me furious to see all the cute wedge sandals that I can't wear! This summer they are so “got to have” and I so “can't have” them. It is just plain not fair! I am so tired of flat ugly shoes. I would even love to wear flip-flops, but can't do that either! Darlene (with the ugly flat shoes!)

“I know exactly what you mean. I'm only 29 years old and would like to wear "trendy" shoes like every other 20- and 30-something woman. It's so frustrating trying to find shoes, especially for spring and summer. Even though I can kind of wear flip flops, I walk really slow and my foot inverts and slaps on the ground (I think I look even more disabled when I walk without my brace). I guess that just goes along with the whole recovery process.” Ang B.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I have found a solution for at least part of the problem. Because of my AFO brace, I have to wear a different size shoe on my left foot to accommodate the brace. (I know many of you have that same problem). Well, Nordstrom has a great solution. If you have a disability, and you need two different shoe sizes, Nordstrom will accommodate you by selling you two pair of shoes for the price of one. Aren’t the Nordstrom stores wonderful? They deserve applause – and our business – for that! Here are some other comments from those of you who have found other solutions or partial solutions. 

I found some cute shoes called Air Walker at Payless shoes. They come in a variety of colors and even a tie died color. You can wear them as a clog or the strap can go around your heel. They are so light and have good support, cool for summer. (unsigned)

I used to be a regular Imelda about shoes but had to give most of them away after my stroke 4 years ago. I can wear only flat, soft-soled shoes. The Lands End catalogue and online site have some okay shoes; also try Comfort One online. These work for me. Also, DSW Warehouse, if it is in your area. Jean

Success! I found a pair of ROCKET DOGS that are like a sneaker. I bet you could also order them online. I have to take them to a shoe repair place and have a piece of elastic sewn across the top so it doesn't come off my left foot! But they are so cute and comfortable! I am going to see if I can order another pair online, they are cute for shorts, skirts and I bet naked too! So ladies. there is hope for flat shoes after all! Darlene

Even today as I longingly look at other women’s shoes and wish I could wear them; maybe I was right at the beginning of this article; this is a little petty. When I think of what I have been through (total paralysis – locked-in syndrome – and near death) and what I have gained back in my recovery, I realize that wearing any kind of shoe is a miracle. When I feel like whining about not being able to wear those fashionable shoes (and walk too!), it takes me back 11 years when shoes weren’t the issue, neither was walking……….. taking my next breath was ………and I feel blessed.

 
Email Kate at kadamson@strokenetwork.org.
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