I am almost 54, and have worked as a RN, since 1970. I always knew what I wanted to do, and found the love of my professional life, when I started hospice nursing in 1998. I loved it, and feel I was the kind of nurse I would want my loved ones to have. I had a Left hemolytic, cerebellar stroke, and have right side paralyses, which now is major weakness. I drive and can look after myself if things are set up for me, like the chair in my shower. I didn't need any changes in my Camry. I use my left hand and foot; I have always been left side dominant. I don't cook very often, and sadly, I don't quilt, which was my favorite hobby. I was not depressed until about 2 years after the CVA, I was too busy trying to get back the use I had lost. But when I got depressed, I really did! It came about Christmas of 2002, when I realized no one was going to hire me to look after people again. I would apply for jobs and they would be impressed with my resume, but when I told them I had a stroke that was the end. Even if I didn't tell them, when I went for the interview, they would decide that I couldn't do the job, when I knew I could.

I have even offered to work for free, till I proved I could. Everyone seemed to be afraid of the liability. I had already figured out how to compensate (like we all do) to do the job description. And, yes, I could have sued them, but health care is so tough these days, I just couldn't make myself do it. I have that in the back of my mind as a last result, though. I was such a good bedside nurse, and I wanted to stay there, having done management. And we have a nursing shortage! I am still applying and will till I cannot work. But I decide that! End-of-life nursing will always be my love. I volunteered, but it just frustrated me.

Until Steve Mallory whom I address affectionately as, "O'Fearless Leader", asked me. It was a Godsend, and I said yes. I have used this site exclusively since I could use the computer. I reread Ginny's Ford's biography, today, and was thankful, for the loss of my long- term memory. I have always been a voracious reader, and now I can read favorites again, because I don't remember them. The same with movies. It drives Steve, my caretaker, crazy, because he doesn't like reruns. I love what I do for stroke network, I am an "expert" and I write new people who visit the site and sign the guestbook. It allows me to help people again. I don't understand my inner timetable. I just read Steve's biography again, and this time, it really spoke to me. I realized that the way I got out of past periodic depressions has always been to focus on others. I am thinking about getting my Master's soon, but it will probably be in Social Work, not in Nursing.

My caregiver is my husband Steve, who is 20 years my junior. We have been married 8 years. He is an English Electrical Engineer, and is so patient and kind to me. I tried to give him an out, after the stroke, and he has stuck like duct tape. He is one of the smartest people I know, he writes software from home, but travels some. We are both dog lovers, and have 2 4-legged daughters, Mollie, a 7 year old Golden Retriever, who is spoiled and vain, and Lucy, a 4-year old Rescued Yellow Labrador, who is the best dog I have ever met. She is my soul mate, and is very protective of me. They are my constant companions. Lucy can sense when I feel "unsafe", and will get behind me, to break a fall.

I have a 30-year-old daughter, Meredith, (Merri) who is my finest work. She is beautiful, smart, and a close friend, who has been a support throughout this experience. She sees and mirrors for me, a me as no different than I always was. She has always been the joy of my life. She just got engaged.

I am glad to be among you, my sisters and brothers. We share the same struggles. And frustrations. It takes me sooo long to do things now, which I just did, before. I forget to allow more time! I grew up in Southern Pines, NC, and me moved to SC, in 1998. I am trying to get back to NC-family and friends. The people here, especially Steve Mallory educated me, and supported me.

Thank you all.

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